wat bout pragnant strippers??
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
