Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
