I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
