Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
