those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
