I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
