'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
