she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
