You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
