I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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