I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just want nice things and good sex
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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