New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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