I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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