I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
