careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
