you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
