so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
