The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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