He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
