I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
