Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
