I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
