Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
