Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
