you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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