Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
