True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
