i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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