I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
