My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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