i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
