Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
be right there i have to get my cape
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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