Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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