everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's shark week go big or go home
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
