I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
