And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
