Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
