Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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