she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
