so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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