Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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