So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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