You really coming over, don't trick.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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