We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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