She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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