I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
