Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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