I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
