just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
