I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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