I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
