why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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