Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
