that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
